One of the other blog mom's started doing this Reverb 10 and it really seems to be an excellent way to reflect back on my year, so I am starting it now. (Not to be a copy cat but man it is pretty amazing).
December 6th: Moment. Pick one moment during which you felt most alive this year. Describe it in vivid detail (texture, smells, voices, noise
s, colors)
The one moment I felt most alive this year was when we brought Brooklynn home from the hospital and her sister saw her for the first time!! Izzy was so excited. I remember seeing her run up to meet us and give us hugs. I remember seeing her edge over to her sister in her carseat, lightly touching her hand, with a HUGE smile on her face. Asking to "hold" her. Smelling the new baby smell while I pick Brooklynn up from her carseat. Seeing their daddy's face as he watched his oldest girl holding his newest girl. Seeing her smile and slowly explore her sister by holding her hand, touching her face, rubbing her hair, giving her little kisses on the mouth, her forehead, her hands. NOTHING is better than seeing the love between my two daughters!
I never felt more alive in my whole life than in that moment and every moment after.
Monday, December 6, 2010
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
What it Means to Be A Mother!
Lately I have been doing some thinking...about what it means to be a mother. My world changed so much in July 2007 when we found out we were pregnant with Izzy. It has been a whirlwind, and I have learned so much about motherhood (and I know there is lots left to learn).
1. My days of nonworry are completely over. From the time I first got pregnant, I was worried about having a miscarriage, to delivering early, to having a terrible labor, to having a baby in the NICU, etc etc etc. Now I worry about every runny nose, cough, fever, fall. And before I know it, I am going to be worrying about every heartache, every tear, and every boy that my girls have to face.
2. I learned what it means to love unconditionally and completely!! No matter what, these girls are my world and I would do anything for them! My heart swells every time I lay eyes on them!
3. I can never have a completely bad, rotten day as long as I see my girls. I might be stressed, I might have the worst day at work, but when I come home and hear my girls laugh and see them smile, all the terrible things melt away.
4. I am one of THOSE moms! One of those moms who show off all the pictures, and talk about all the crazy things my kids do, from pretending to be a princess, to jumping around like a monkey, to how many times Izzy goes potty in the big girl chair. And honestly, I am not ashamed!
5. I am also a mother of one of THOSE kids - a child who throws a tantrum in the middle of the store because she doesn't get the candy bar she wants, or one child is running away from the cart at Target while the other one is screaming her head off in the cart because she has not had her much needed nap. Also, the child who runs around the restaurant, or runs out of the bathroom in the restaurant yelling at the top of her lungs "I WENT POTTY!!!" And I am okay with that.
6. I have learned the true meaning of sacrifice. I sacrifice my time, my money, my life so my girls can have the best that I can provide them. Could I sacrifice more?? Probably, but as I learn more about this motherhood thing, I will learn the true meaning of balance (I hope!)
7. I can be a selfish mom - selfish in the way that I want to spend as much time with my girls as possible. That I deep down hate when my daughter asks to stay at Nana Cash's house for the weekend when I have worked 40 hours away from her, or when my daughter cries crocodile tears when I pick her up because she wants to stay at Nana Sugar's house. Don't get me wrong, I love that she loves her Nanas and Papas and that she has them around, but I have a little jealousy bug deep down.
I am also selfish in the fact that while I love spending time with my girls, spending ten minutes to myself in the shower with no sounds around can be the most relaxing 10 minutes of my life. Forget paying hundreds of dollars at the beauty salon - all I need is my hot shower once a day!
8. Motherhood also means being the bad guy every once in a while. I am the one who has to say no sometimes, and I can't give them everything that they want. But I am also the one who gets to help heal their hurts and be the one to spoil them every once in a while. I prefer to do the latter, but I guess the former is part of my job description.
I learned what it means to be a mother by watching one of the best - my mom! So thanks to her!
1. My days of nonworry are completely over. From the time I first got pregnant, I was worried about having a miscarriage, to delivering early, to having a terrible labor, to having a baby in the NICU, etc etc etc. Now I worry about every runny nose, cough, fever, fall. And before I know it, I am going to be worrying about every heartache, every tear, and every boy that my girls have to face.
2. I learned what it means to love unconditionally and completely!! No matter what, these girls are my world and I would do anything for them! My heart swells every time I lay eyes on them!
3. I can never have a completely bad, rotten day as long as I see my girls. I might be stressed, I might have the worst day at work, but when I come home and hear my girls laugh and see them smile, all the terrible things melt away.
4. I am one of THOSE moms! One of those moms who show off all the pictures, and talk about all the crazy things my kids do, from pretending to be a princess, to jumping around like a monkey, to how many times Izzy goes potty in the big girl chair. And honestly, I am not ashamed!
5. I am also a mother of one of THOSE kids - a child who throws a tantrum in the middle of the store because she doesn't get the candy bar she wants, or one child is running away from the cart at Target while the other one is screaming her head off in the cart because she has not had her much needed nap. Also, the child who runs around the restaurant, or runs out of the bathroom in the restaurant yelling at the top of her lungs "I WENT POTTY!!!" And I am okay with that.
6. I have learned the true meaning of sacrifice. I sacrifice my time, my money, my life so my girls can have the best that I can provide them. Could I sacrifice more?? Probably, but as I learn more about this motherhood thing, I will learn the true meaning of balance (I hope!)
7. I can be a selfish mom - selfish in the way that I want to spend as much time with my girls as possible. That I deep down hate when my daughter asks to stay at Nana Cash's house for the weekend when I have worked 40 hours away from her, or when my daughter cries crocodile tears when I pick her up because she wants to stay at Nana Sugar's house. Don't get me wrong, I love that she loves her Nanas and Papas and that she has them around, but I have a little jealousy bug deep down.
I am also selfish in the fact that while I love spending time with my girls, spending ten minutes to myself in the shower with no sounds around can be the most relaxing 10 minutes of my life. Forget paying hundreds of dollars at the beauty salon - all I need is my hot shower once a day!
8. Motherhood also means being the bad guy every once in a while. I am the one who has to say no sometimes, and I can't give them everything that they want. But I am also the one who gets to help heal their hurts and be the one to spoil them every once in a while. I prefer to do the latter, but I guess the former is part of my job description.
I learned what it means to be a mother by watching one of the best - my mom! So thanks to her!
Monday, November 22, 2010
Parents as Teachers
It has been a while since I have posted, so I thought I would write a quick update. Things have been going extremely well for all of us. Brooklynn started sitting up on her own right about a week before she turned 8 months. It was crazy because the day she did it, I almost called her doctor, but decided to wait a day.
Parents as Teachers came last week to assess Brooklynn and see how she is doing. The lady thought she was doing pretty good. Said to still watch out for milestones because she did sit on the later end of normal. But she was happy that she brings her hands together, she passes toys between hands, and brings toys together to make noise. She has a good pincher grasp. She also started scooting towards objects by going from one side to the next. She moved across half of our living room.
Brooklynn has been eating everything we put into her mouth! It is so different having a child who eats what I give her. Izzy always was a struggle (and still is) to get any type of solid into her body.
Izzy is doing really good! She has been really expanding her vocabulary and sentence structure. I can hold conversations with her while on the phone. Sam and I went to Fort Worth TX for 4 days and I was grateful I could talk to Izzy and find out about her day. It was hard because my mom came to pick her up before we left, and as they were driving to her house Izzy called me and said "I want you!! I miss you!" It was good to see her when we came back (and of course Brooklynn too).
Not too much new on our homefront! Gearing up for the holiday season!
Parents as Teachers came last week to assess Brooklynn and see how she is doing. The lady thought she was doing pretty good. Said to still watch out for milestones because she did sit on the later end of normal. But she was happy that she brings her hands together, she passes toys between hands, and brings toys together to make noise. She has a good pincher grasp. She also started scooting towards objects by going from one side to the next. She moved across half of our living room.
Brooklynn has been eating everything we put into her mouth! It is so different having a child who eats what I give her. Izzy always was a struggle (and still is) to get any type of solid into her body.
Izzy is doing really good! She has been really expanding her vocabulary and sentence structure. I can hold conversations with her while on the phone. Sam and I went to Fort Worth TX for 4 days and I was grateful I could talk to Izzy and find out about her day. It was hard because my mom came to pick her up before we left, and as they were driving to her house Izzy called me and said "I want you!! I miss you!" It was good to see her when we came back (and of course Brooklynn too).
Not too much new on our homefront! Gearing up for the holiday season!
Friday, October 15, 2010
Brooklynn's Neurosurgery Appointment
Brooklynn had her Neurosurgery appointment on Wednesday. After Dr. H. looked at her MRI, he said that there was no hydrocephalus!! He said her head is well off the charts (51cm or 20.1 inches) which we knew. He also said there was mild ventriculomegaly which could just be a normal variant for her brain size. He said she acts too normal for there to be any hydrocephalus (which is really good). He does want us to come back for a CT scan which we will have done in January just to make sure there is no change. As of right now that is the only plan of things to do. So hopefully we can now relax and not have to worry about any more tests results until that January appointment.
She weighed in at 19 pounds 5 ounces (I couldn't believe it - she is getting to be such a big girl!). I am so happy that we are done with that step! Now we just have to work on that sitting up on her own thing :).
She weighed in at 19 pounds 5 ounces (I couldn't believe it - she is getting to be such a big girl!). I am so happy that we are done with that step! Now we just have to work on that sitting up on her own thing :).
Thursday, October 7, 2010
Brooklynn's MRI
Today was Brooklynn's MRI. After a month of anticipation the date finally came and I am SOO grateful for it to be done. We arrived at 1230 in morning at CMH. First I took my mom to see the unit in which I work which she has not yet had the opportunity to see since she babysits my daughters. People at work were able to see my little B - Sister was at school today (it was her first full day and she seemed to really love it! I am thinking that we might have to rethink her only being there for 1/2 days...)
Anyway, we arrived at 1230 and were pulled back into the sedation room about 1pm. They started her IV which she cried but was really a great champ and calmed really fast. She kept wanting to pull at the IV. Around 1:20pm it was time for them to take Brooklynn back into the MRI...they asked if she would cry if they took her and I said it was a high possibility....especially since she was tired and hungry (she was not able to have formula after 6:30 am and only clears until 10:30am and after that nothing). So they gave her a dose of versed and let me tell you it was the funniest reaction to the medication! She went from crying, to dazed, to a little sleepy, to completely hysterical - and by hysterical I mean laughing the biggest belly laugh I had ever heard!!! She was laughing all the way down the hallway. I wish I would have known that cause I would have had my mom record it! (my mom went with me because Sam could not get off work).
I had to go sit in the waiting room. They told me it would take about 45 minutes for the MRI, and than radiologist would look at it, and if needed they would use contrast. They took her back at 1:30pm and my eyes watched that clock! When it 3pm I was SOO scared! Finally they took me back to see my baby girl and she was sleeping. They had to use contrast...which makes me a little nervous wondering if they saw something or what. Luckily no doctor came in to talk to me so that means if they found something, it could not have been that bad!! We should find out results in a couple of days. So it will be a waiting game yet again.
They ended up giving her 2 doses of versed, 2 of fentanyl and one of some other sedative due to the length of the test. She tolerated it well, and never dropped her oxygen. I guess it is protocol to put nasal cannula on them any way so she had that on during the test (or at least that is what I was told!!) She did wake up and start coughing a little which did not surprise me - she gets congested when she lays down on her back every once in a while. When I was able to see her it took her about 15 minutes to wake up and than she started to drink. Now she is rolling around playing like always! I am glad this test is over and just can't wait to hear from her pediatrician to hear the results. Either way it will be relief to have it done!
Anyway, we arrived at 1230 and were pulled back into the sedation room about 1pm. They started her IV which she cried but was really a great champ and calmed really fast. She kept wanting to pull at the IV. Around 1:20pm it was time for them to take Brooklynn back into the MRI...they asked if she would cry if they took her and I said it was a high possibility....especially since she was tired and hungry (she was not able to have formula after 6:30 am and only clears until 10:30am and after that nothing). So they gave her a dose of versed and let me tell you it was the funniest reaction to the medication! She went from crying, to dazed, to a little sleepy, to completely hysterical - and by hysterical I mean laughing the biggest belly laugh I had ever heard!!! She was laughing all the way down the hallway. I wish I would have known that cause I would have had my mom record it! (my mom went with me because Sam could not get off work).
I had to go sit in the waiting room. They told me it would take about 45 minutes for the MRI, and than radiologist would look at it, and if needed they would use contrast. They took her back at 1:30pm and my eyes watched that clock! When it 3pm I was SOO scared! Finally they took me back to see my baby girl and she was sleeping. They had to use contrast...which makes me a little nervous wondering if they saw something or what. Luckily no doctor came in to talk to me so that means if they found something, it could not have been that bad!! We should find out results in a couple of days. So it will be a waiting game yet again.
They ended up giving her 2 doses of versed, 2 of fentanyl and one of some other sedative due to the length of the test. She tolerated it well, and never dropped her oxygen. I guess it is protocol to put nasal cannula on them any way so she had that on during the test (or at least that is what I was told!!) She did wake up and start coughing a little which did not surprise me - she gets congested when she lays down on her back every once in a while. When I was able to see her it took her about 15 minutes to wake up and than she started to drink. Now she is rolling around playing like always! I am glad this test is over and just can't wait to hear from her pediatrician to hear the results. Either way it will be relief to have it done!
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Parents As Teachers - Izzy's check up
Izzy had Parents as Teachers come by last week and we had a great time! She started off reading Very Hungry Caterpillar which Izzy really liked. I don't think I had ever read her that story (I can't believe it but I don't own that book). The teacher pulled out a stir stick with colors on it and matching clothes line clips and asked Izzy to clip the matching clips onto it. The teacher was impressed that she was able to say the colors and match them. (We have been working on her colors!). She just needs to work a little on the fine motor skills of pinching the clips to put them on the stick.
They also made a "map" that included our house, Target (her favorite store), and the park. She played "pretend" with cars and little people. The teacher said it was good that she is creative and she plays pretend! She took the little people and pretended they were swinging. I guess it is good that she can take a 2D object and turn it into something she can "play" with in "3D". She had a good time with that. I was super excited that the teacher said she could understand a majority of what Izzy says. I was a little worried about it. I knew I understood her but was not sure how people who did not know her could understand. She stated the obvious though "Izzy talks a lot!" Yep she is nonstop chatter!!
We have her coming back to assess Brooklynn in 8 weeks. They said that even with budget cuts, if it comes back that Brooklynn has developmental delays because of her head size or if anything comes back with her head that they will be able to visit her more frequently to help keep on top of her developmentally which is nice! I am kind of excited to see how she fits in developmentally with other kids. I know she is a little behind on the gross motor (still not sitting up on her own...but I am giving her until 8 months before I get worried).
They also made a "map" that included our house, Target (her favorite store), and the park. She played "pretend" with cars and little people. The teacher said it was good that she is creative and she plays pretend! She took the little people and pretended they were swinging. I guess it is good that she can take a 2D object and turn it into something she can "play" with in "3D". She had a good time with that. I was super excited that the teacher said she could understand a majority of what Izzy says. I was a little worried about it. I knew I understood her but was not sure how people who did not know her could understand. She stated the obvious though "Izzy talks a lot!" Yep she is nonstop chatter!!
We have her coming back to assess Brooklynn in 8 weeks. They said that even with budget cuts, if it comes back that Brooklynn has developmental delays because of her head size or if anything comes back with her head that they will be able to visit her more frequently to help keep on top of her developmentally which is nice! I am kind of excited to see how she fits in developmentally with other kids. I know she is a little behind on the gross motor (still not sitting up on her own...but I am giving her until 8 months before I get worried).
Monday, October 4, 2010
Anticipation week!
I finally did it - I turned my blog to private! Thanks to all who sent me their e-mails...I guess I did not realize there were so many people who read our blog!
So this week is the big week! We have our brain MRI on Thursday for Brooklynn!! I am so anxious it is crazy! I am having such conflict with this! I know that I will be relieved when it is done but I am nervous because they have to sedate her. I know that a majority of sedations go beautifully but sometimes there are bad reactions to the drugs! And what if she has a reaction to the drug and everything comes back perfectly normal and I put her through that for nothing? But than what if I did not have it done and something is wrong and we find out down the road because she starts having issues? I feel in such limbo right now!
I trust my pediatrician's recommendations, but I am just so scared either way! Everyone tells me she is so normal and there is no way anything can be wrong and in my head I think the same thing. But working where I work I have the issue of babies look normal all the time and there is something that ends up being wrong with them, so in the back of my mind I have been wondering! There are so many people who have kids who say "their head size was off the charts". What exactly do they mean by that? Do they mean one or two boxes above the 97th%ile or do they mean 23 (little) boxes above the 97th%ile like my child?
This mother thing is really exhausting! The constant worry and than the conflict of am I worrying over nothing and am just a freak?? Don't get me wrong - I would not change it for the world! I love my little girls no matter what and they have made my life SOOO much better! I just understand now when my mom used to always say that being a mother means being worried nonstop!
So this week is the big week! We have our brain MRI on Thursday for Brooklynn!! I am so anxious it is crazy! I am having such conflict with this! I know that I will be relieved when it is done but I am nervous because they have to sedate her. I know that a majority of sedations go beautifully but sometimes there are bad reactions to the drugs! And what if she has a reaction to the drug and everything comes back perfectly normal and I put her through that for nothing? But than what if I did not have it done and something is wrong and we find out down the road because she starts having issues? I feel in such limbo right now!
I trust my pediatrician's recommendations, but I am just so scared either way! Everyone tells me she is so normal and there is no way anything can be wrong and in my head I think the same thing. But working where I work I have the issue of babies look normal all the time and there is something that ends up being wrong with them, so in the back of my mind I have been wondering! There are so many people who have kids who say "their head size was off the charts". What exactly do they mean by that? Do they mean one or two boxes above the 97th%ile or do they mean 23 (little) boxes above the 97th%ile like my child?
This mother thing is really exhausting! The constant worry and than the conflict of am I worrying over nothing and am just a freak?? Don't get me wrong - I would not change it for the world! I love my little girls no matter what and they have made my life SOOO much better! I just understand now when my mom used to always say that being a mother means being worried nonstop!
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