Brooklynn's 9 Month Appointment

Last week, we had a little trip to the Ears, Nose and Throat doctor for Brooklynn to assess the need for tubes in her ears. She has had 5 ear infections (all double) since birth. They checked her hearing, which seemed to be slightly affected (when they did the eardrum wave test, her eardrums did not react the way they should). The ENT doctor felt it was due to fluid in her ear. This along with the amount of ear infections buys her some tubes. We go in about a week to have them placed. The nice thing is we only have to protect her from water for 5 days. I remember when I was little I had to be protected from water the whole time!

We went in to our new pediatrician for Brooklynn's 9 month appointment. She is really nice, and I am really hoping we continue to like her. Brooklynn is getting so big. She weighed 21.10 pounds (placing her in the 87%), length was 29 and 3/4 inches (90th%ile), and her head was measuring 20 3/4 inch (well above 100%) - but that has only gone up 3/4 of an inch since two months ago.

Of course we had to run through all of Brooklynn's history again, which is a pain, but the doctor was very attentive. She is developmentally on point right now, doing the things she should be doing, even though she is not crawling. Brooklynn is army crawling and scooting, just not up on her hands and knees. Her urine that we had drawn a few months ago to test for mucopolysacchridosis (aka the very bad disease we did not want her to have) and for oligosaccharidosis had some abnormal to it that I discovered after I had her medical records sent to me. The Oligosaccharides had abnormal bands which could be indicative of lysosomal storage disease IF there are other concerns and I had some questions as to this. The lab said that a repeat urine might need to be done to confirm this abnormal bands. This might be a normal variant but it also might entail us to redraw her urine. The Doctor was going to call genetics to see what they think about this coming back that way. I am hoping genetics will say it is no big deal.

I also asked about Brookklynn's breathing at night. She is a very loud breather, at times having stridor and acts like she has trouble getting air in. The doctor said it might be that her adenoids or tonsils are enlarged and get in the way, and therefore we should ask the ENT doctor when she has her tubes placed in her ears to take a look. If we continue to have concerns and her adenoids are fine, we might end up doing a sleep study.

Brooklynn seemed to like the new doctor and was clapping and laughing. Izzy was cracking me up because she kept saying "I am sick" "I need a doctor" (a little bit of jealousy that her sister was getting all the attention). The doctor even took some time out to "assess" Izzy which was really nice.

So I am anxiously awaiting the new from the genetics office, as well as what the ENT doctor will say about her adenoids. I know I shouldn't worry but it just is always in the back of my mind until we get the OKAY that everything is fine!

On a positive note - Brooklynn is getting so big and waving "hi" and "bye", she is laughing at things, and is starting to follow directions (like when I say wave to daddy she looks at him and waves). She is eating more solids - she loves green beans, her mum-mums, and Cheerios. Any baby food she gulps down! She is such an eater.

Izzy is getting so big now too. She is really becoming a little girl. She loves playing pretend and making up stories and games. I will post about Christmas with pictures hopefully soon! We had a WONDERFUL holiday season.

Tis the Season...

For doctor's appointments :). Last week I had to take both girls to the doctor due to having a cough, runny nose, and just being irritable. Izzy had "strep" (not sure I believe this one but okay), Brooklynn had another double ear infection, making it 5 since she was born (this I completely believed!). So that bought us an appointment with the ENT to talk about tubes in her ears. We go to this appointment tomorrow (Friday) so we will see what he says at this time.

Next week we go to a new pediatrician. I am a little anxious but curious as to see what she has to say about all of Brooklynn's past medical tests. It will be interesting to know if another doctor will be as worried about her head size as her previous pediatrician, or if someone will tell us it is just a variant that is nothing to worry about (I really hope this is what will happen!).

Izzy is gearing up for Christmas and is super excited for Santa to come bring her lots of presents! Every time she sees a gift she asks if it is for her! We talk about making Christmas cookies and setting them out for Santa and she can't wait! This weekend will be the start of our festivities with Sam's side of the family - his sister, brother-in-law, and nephew is coming into town. I can't wait! I think I am more excited than Izzy, which is really hard to believe.

Reverb10 - Stolen from a Friend's Site

One of the other blog mom's started doing this Reverb 10 and it really seems to be an excellent way to reflect back on my year, so I am starting it now. (Not to be a copy cat but man it is pretty amazing).

December 6th: Moment. Pick one moment during which you felt most alive this year. Describe it in vivid detail (texture, smells, voices, noise
s, colors)

The one moment I felt most alive this year was when we brought Brooklynn home from the hospital and her sister saw her for the first time!! Izzy was so excited. I remember seeing her run up to meet us and give us hugs. I remember seeing her edge over to her sister in her carseat, lightly touching her hand, with a HUGE smile on her face. Asking to "hold" her. Smelling the new baby smell while I pick Brooklynn up from her carseat. Seeing their daddy's face as he watched his oldest girl holding his newest girl. Seeing her smile and slowly explore her sister by holding her hand, touching her face, rubbing her hair, giving her little kisses on the mouth, her forehead, her hands. NOTHING is better than seeing the love between my two daughters!

I never felt more alive in my whole life than in that moment and every moment after.

What it Means to Be A Mother!

Lately I have been doing some thinking...about what it means to be a mother. My world changed so much in July 2007 when we found out we were pregnant with Izzy. It has been a whirlwind, and I have learned so much about motherhood (and I know there is lots left to learn).

1. My days of nonworry are completely over. From the time I first got pregnant, I was worried about having a miscarriage, to delivering early, to having a terrible labor, to having a baby in the NICU, etc etc etc. Now I worry about every runny nose, cough, fever, fall. And before I know it, I am going to be worrying about every heartache, every tear, and every boy that my girls have to face.

2. I learned what it means to love unconditionally and completely!! No matter what, these girls are my world and I would do anything for them! My heart swells every time I lay eyes on them!

3. I can never have a completely bad, rotten day as long as I see my girls. I might be stressed, I might have the worst day at work, but when I come home and hear my girls laugh and see them smile, all the terrible things melt away.

4. I am one of THOSE moms! One of those moms who show off all the pictures, and talk about all the crazy things my kids do, from pretending to be a princess, to jumping around like a monkey, to how many times Izzy goes potty in the big girl chair. And honestly, I am not ashamed!

5. I am also a mother of one of THOSE kids - a child who throws a tantrum in the middle of the store because she doesn't get the candy bar she wants, or one child is running away from the cart at Target while the other one is screaming her head off in the cart because she has not had her much needed nap. Also, the child who runs around the restaurant, or runs out of the bathroom in the restaurant yelling at the top of her lungs "I WENT POTTY!!!" And I am okay with that.

6. I have learned the true meaning of sacrifice. I sacrifice my time, my money, my life so my girls can have the best that I can provide them. Could I sacrifice more?? Probably, but as I learn more about this motherhood thing, I will learn the true meaning of balance (I hope!)

7. I can be a selfish mom - selfish in the way that I want to spend as much time with my girls as possible. That I deep down hate when my daughter asks to stay at Nana Cash's house for the weekend when I have worked 40 hours away from her, or when my daughter cries crocodile tears when I pick her up because she wants to stay at Nana Sugar's house. Don't get me wrong, I love that she loves her Nanas and Papas and that she has them around, but I have a little jealousy bug deep down.

I am also selfish in the fact that while I love spending time with my girls, spending ten minutes to myself in the shower with no sounds around can be the most relaxing 10 minutes of my life. Forget paying hundreds of dollars at the beauty salon - all I need is my hot shower once a day!

8. Motherhood also means being the bad guy every once in a while. I am the one who has to say no sometimes, and I can't give them everything that they want. But I am also the one who gets to help heal their hurts and be the one to spoil them every once in a while. I prefer to do the latter, but I guess the former is part of my job description.

I learned what it means to be a mother by watching one of the best - my mom! So thanks to her!

Parents as Teachers

It has been a while since I have posted, so I thought I would write a quick update. Things have been going extremely well for all of us. Brooklynn started sitting up on her own right about a week before she turned 8 months. It was crazy because the day she did it, I almost called her doctor, but decided to wait a day.

Parents as Teachers came last week to assess Brooklynn and see how she is doing. The lady thought she was doing pretty good. Said to still watch out for milestones because she did sit on the later end of normal. But she was happy that she brings her hands together, she passes toys between hands, and brings toys together to make noise. She has a good pincher grasp. She also started scooting towards objects by going from one side to the next. She moved across half of our living room.

Brooklynn has been eating everything we put into her mouth! It is so different having a child who eats what I give her. Izzy always was a struggle (and still is) to get any type of solid into her body.

Izzy is doing really good! She has been really expanding her vocabulary and sentence structure. I can hold conversations with her while on the phone. Sam and I went to Fort Worth TX for 4 days and I was grateful I could talk to Izzy and find out about her day. It was hard because my mom came to pick her up before we left, and as they were driving to her house Izzy called me and said "I want you!! I miss you!" It was good to see her when we came back (and of course Brooklynn too).

Not too much new on our homefront! Gearing up for the holiday season!

Brooklynn's Neurosurgery Appointment

Brooklynn had her Neurosurgery appointment on Wednesday. After Dr. H. looked at her MRI, he said that there was no hydrocephalus!! He said her head is well off the charts (51cm or 20.1 inches) which we knew. He also said there was mild ventriculomegaly which could just be a normal variant for her brain size. He said she acts too normal for there to be any hydrocephalus (which is really good). He does want us to come back for a CT scan which we will have done in January just to make sure there is no change. As of right now that is the only plan of things to do. So hopefully we can now relax and not have to worry about any more tests results until that January appointment.

She weighed in at 19 pounds 5 ounces (I couldn't believe it - she is getting to be such a big girl!). I am so happy that we are done with that step! Now we just have to work on that sitting up on her own thing :).

Brooklynn's MRI

Today was Brooklynn's MRI. After a month of anticipation the date finally came and I am SOO grateful for it to be done. We arrived at 1230 in morning at CMH. First I took my mom to see the unit in which I work which she has not yet had the opportunity to see since she babysits my daughters. People at work were able to see my little B - Sister was at school today (it was her first full day and she seemed to really love it! I am thinking that we might have to rethink her only being there for 1/2 days...)

Anyway, we arrived at 1230 and were pulled back into the sedation room about 1pm. They started her IV which she cried but was really a great champ and calmed really fast. She kept wanting to pull at the IV. Around 1:20pm it was time for them to take Brooklynn back into the MRI...they asked if she would cry if they took her and I said it was a high possibility....especially since she was tired and hungry (she was not able to have formula after 6:30 am and only clears until 10:30am and after that nothing). So they gave her a dose of versed and let me tell you it was the funniest reaction to the medication! She went from crying, to dazed, to a little sleepy, to completely hysterical - and by hysterical I mean laughing the biggest belly laugh I had ever heard!!! She was laughing all the way down the hallway. I wish I would have known that cause I would have had my mom record it! (my mom went with me because Sam could not get off work).

I had to go sit in the waiting room. They told me it would take about 45 minutes for the MRI, and than radiologist would look at it, and if needed they would use contrast. They took her back at 1:30pm and my eyes watched that clock! When it 3pm I was SOO scared! Finally they took me back to see my baby girl and she was sleeping. They had to use contrast...which makes me a little nervous wondering if they saw something or what. Luckily no doctor came in to talk to me so that means if they found something, it could not have been that bad!! We should find out results in a couple of days. So it will be a waiting game yet again.

They ended up giving her 2 doses of versed, 2 of fentanyl and one of some other sedative due to the length of the test. She tolerated it well, and never dropped her oxygen. I guess it is protocol to put nasal cannula on them any way so she had that on during the test (or at least that is what I was told!!) She did wake up and start coughing a little which did not surprise me - she gets congested when she lays down on her back every once in a while. When I was able to see her it took her about 15 minutes to wake up and than she started to drink. Now she is rolling around playing like always! I am glad this test is over and just can't wait to hear from her pediatrician to hear the results. Either way it will be relief to have it done!

Parents As Teachers - Izzy's check up

Izzy had Parents as Teachers come by last week and we had a great time! She started off reading Very Hungry Caterpillar which Izzy really liked. I don't think I had ever read her that story (I can't believe it but I don't own that book). The teacher pulled out a stir stick with colors on it and matching clothes line clips and asked Izzy to clip the matching clips onto it. The teacher was impressed that she was able to say the colors and match them. (We have been working on her colors!). She just needs to work a little on the fine motor skills of pinching the clips to put them on the stick.

They also made a "map" that included our house, Target (her favorite store), and the park. She played "pretend" with cars and little people. The teacher said it was good that she is creative and she plays pretend! She took the little people and pretended they were swinging. I guess it is good that she can take a 2D object and turn it into something she can "play" with in "3D". She had a good time with that. I was super excited that the teacher said she could understand a majority of what Izzy says. I was a little worried about it. I knew I understood her but was not sure how people who did not know her could understand. She stated the obvious though "Izzy talks a lot!" Yep she is nonstop chatter!!

We have her coming back to assess Brooklynn in 8 weeks. They said that even with budget cuts, if it comes back that Brooklynn has developmental delays because of her head size or if anything comes back with her head that they will be able to visit her more frequently to help keep on top of her developmentally which is nice! I am kind of excited to see how she fits in developmentally with other kids. I know she is a little behind on the gross motor (still not sitting up on her own...but I am giving her until 8 months before I get worried).

Anticipation week!

I finally did it - I turned my blog to private! Thanks to all who sent me their e-mails...I guess I did not realize there were so many people who read our blog!

So this week is the big week! We have our brain MRI on Thursday for Brooklynn!! I am so anxious it is crazy! I am having such conflict with this! I know that I will be relieved when it is done but I am nervous because they have to sedate her. I know that a majority of sedations go beautifully but sometimes there are bad reactions to the drugs! And what if she has a reaction to the drug and everything comes back perfectly normal and I put her through that for nothing? But than what if I did not have it done and something is wrong and we find out down the road because she starts having issues? I feel in such limbo right now!

I trust my pediatrician's recommendations, but I am just so scared either way! Everyone tells me she is so normal and there is no way anything can be wrong and in my head I think the same thing. But working where I work I have the issue of babies look normal all the time and there is something that ends up being wrong with them, so in the back of my mind I have been wondering! There are so many people who have kids who say "their head size was off the charts". What exactly do they mean by that? Do they mean one or two boxes above the 97th%ile or do they mean 23 (little) boxes above the 97th%ile like my child?

This mother thing is really exhausting! The constant worry and than the conflict of am I worrying over nothing and am just a freak?? Don't get me wrong - I would not change it for the world! I love my little girls no matter what and they have made my life SOOO much better! I just understand now when my mom used to always say that being a mother means being worried nonstop!

Turning to Private...

Taking a page from my friend Jennifer, I have decided to put my blog to private! If you read my blog please send me your e-mail at kityhawk13@aol.com and I will add you to the list of people who can view it. I just figured I have too many pictures of the girls and too much personal stuff on the blog that I wanted to still keep it up, but not allow anybody and their mom to read it! Hope you will send me your address so you can keep following!

Our month of September

I took Brooklynn in to her 6 month appointment towards the beginning of September. She is getting to be SO big!! She is now 27 1/2 inches (which is 90th percentile, weighs in at 17 pounds and 12 ounces (75th%ile). Her head is still concerning, which is one of the reasons I have not posted recently! Her head grew another inch and a half and is measuring in at 19 1/2 inches!! The is up another 3 small squares on the growth chart from the previous time (which means she is well above 97%ile).

Her pediatrician is still concerned about the growth. He did some lab work to test for a syndrome that has macrocephaly and frontal bossing (which basically means big head measurement and large forehead, which is what Brooklynn has - Sorry baby girl when all tests come back negative - I know you will be self-consious about this when you are older but it is the truth) and it came back negative (we just found out on Thursday that this lab came back negative - THANK GOODNESS!!!!). What he was testing for was NOT a good condition at all and therefore I am very grateful to God that it came back ok. Crazy enough, the night we found out the labs were okay, I was in my hotel room in St. Louis and watching the news and there was a girl on there who had the same condition we were testing Brooklynn for and this girl died at age three. That made me SOO incredibly grateful for those labs being negative!

He also decided instead of doing a Head ultrasound again (which was the original plan when we go back to see the neurosurgeon in October) he wants to go ahead and do an MRI, which will be done sometime in October. Other than that he says she looks good. She is still such a happy baby! I just can't wait until we are done with all the tests - I know it is just going to be that she has a large head due to familial inheritance (thanks Daddy haha). But I would rather make sure that she is fine than to just assume and something be wrong.

Some of Brooklynn's milestones: she is rolling all over the place and using this mode to go wherever she wants. She is starting to eat solids - she loves her rice cereal, bananas, pears, and sweet peas...and hates sweet potatoes (we will keep working on that one). She is saying "mamama" and blowing raspberries, starting saying "baba", and when we say "horsey horsey" or "giddy up" she will bounce up and down on our knees. She is so interested in all sorts of textures and is always grabbing for things! She is so interested in everything that is going on. She is learning cause and effect and has learned how to bang objects together and learning how some of her toys work. She also has learned that she has her daddy, me, sister, nanas and papas, and aunts and uncles wrapped around her finger...just like big sister Izzy.

Izzy has been growing more and more everyday. She is able to tell stories now - even though half the time she makes up words as "fillers" but I still understand what she is trying to say. She is putting together long sentences, and it is funny to hear her stumble over words, but still do pretty well in forming the sentences. She is working on the order of how words flow in sentences too which is really neat. She is a running fool now and is a quick little thing. She might take after her daddy and I and become a cross country runner with how much she likes to run. She has a pretty girlie trot though, but I love it! She is also singing and dancing all the time!! I think every phase in her life gets better and better!


This last week I went on a girls' trip with my mom, sister Kristen, and my two girls to St. Louis and had the time of my life!! We drove up on Wednesday and were able to see one of my sister's old college roommates who lived with my parents for a year. It was great to see her and her little girl! We arrived at our hotel that night and it was a HUGE hotel! We had two bedrooms (one with two double beds and one with a king size bed), two bathrooms, a living area, and a kitchen!! It was such a nice little place to stay! On Thursday we went to the Zoo and had a WONDERFUL time! Izzy loved seeing all the animals! We went and ate at the Hard Rock Cafe that night. On Friday, we went to Union Station (which really was not what it used to be), and than went to the Magic House! That place was absolutely amazing for Izzy! She had the best time! When I ask her where we went she calls it the "maggot house" - pretty funny! We also ate dinner with my Half Brother Eric. It was really good to see him- it has been forever! We left on Saturday morning and came home. Sam was in Vegas with his dad while we were on the trip, so last night we went and picked him up at the airport! Izzy loved to see him - and Brooklynn could not take her eyes off him!

I will be posting pictures of the trip soon.

Brooklynn is 6 months old today!!

Today is Brooklynn's six month birthday!! I can't believe it is already here!! How much our lives have changed in the last six months!!

Yesterday we decided to allow her to try her first taste of "big girl food". After all, she was constantly eyeing our food and trying to grab for her sister's plates. She did AMAZING! She ate half of the rice cereal and did not even spit it out! She kept grabbing my hand to bring the food into her mouth! It was so cute. Almost the whole time she was smiling!

She is starting to really stand up with support. Rolling from back to front and back to her back again! She is grabbing for toys, smiling constantly, and is developing her own sense of humor - she has started laughing at what we are doing now. She is constantly eyeing her sister and I can just see the wheels in her head turning about all the fun stuff and trouble she can be getting into when she becomes mobile. When on her belly she has started pulling her knees up, but hasn't quite learned how to push forward. She is not able to sit unsupported yet, but we have been working on the tripod position.

Isabella turned 2 1/2 on Friday which is a big deal too!! Everyday she is becoming more of a little girl and less of a little baby!! She is so much more independent now. She can sing songs (her favorites are Twinkle Twinkle, Itsy Bitsy Spider, and Three little Monkeys Jumping on the Bed). She loves dancing to anything and everything and tries to imitate all people she sees dancing. She has really started with pretend play, and enjoys telling and reading "stories". She loves being outside and absolutely adores being with her little sister!! Every day she has to play peek a boo with her sister, tries to dance with her, and she is constantly saying "HI PRETTY GIRL!!" I love every moment with those two!

We also have a new dog which the girls adore, and so do we. Her name is Carmen and she is a two year old lab mix who is THE BEST dog! I never realized how EASY being a pet owner could be - you just have to have the right pet! This dog is so calm, she has not gone to the bathroom ONCE in our house, and she lets the girls play with her! She plays catch, loves to chase the ball, and also just loves laying around watching the family do their thing. I am so glad we decided to adopt her and bring her into our home!

Izzy starts her very first day at "school" tomorrow and I am super excited, but also very sad! I know it is only a Parents Day Out program but it is a lot like school. She has her own backpack, her own lunch box and we have her first homework assignment to work on (getting pictures of things that are important for her). I know tomorrow will be the hardest day for me, but it will be one of the funnest for her. After all, she will be able to play with ten other kids her own age!! I can't wait to hear about all the fun things she is learning! I need to post pictures soon - and I promise I will.

Random Post

It has been a while since I have posted anything on my blog. I don't have much to say just thought I would update it with some random thoughts.

My sister Kristen is pregnant (YAY!!!!). I am super excited about that. She heard the heartbeat this morning. It made me so excited for her and also made me think about how much I LOVED being pregnant and what an amazing human being comes from being pregnant! I just hope that her pregnancy is easy and her labor is great. The doctor found out she was my sister...so they will watch her to make sure if she has any of my complications they will catch it early and be able to start some preventive measures. I hope Kristen takes after my oldest sister and mom and has a worry free pregnancy!! Also I am hoping the PUPPPs rash stays FAR AWAY!!!

I am super excited to become an aunt again, and to be there for when my sister has pregnancy related questions. For once I can be the person with some advice - I have always gone to her for so much growing up that I feel good recipricating and being there for her when she needs it!

Brooklynn has started to become a rolling fool! She is going from back to front, and OCCASSIONALLY from front to back - but mostly she gets super ticked off when she realizes it is not as easy for her to roll onto her back. She lifts her head up and looks around when she is on her belly. She is starting to become curious and reaches for objects and feels what different textures feel like. She is also always watching her older sister - I am sure trying to think of ways she can get into "trouble" when she becomes mobile.

Isabella is always playing with Brooklynn. My favorite part of the night is right before all of us go to bed, we lay Izzy and Brooklynn down together, and Izzy always grabs for Brooklynn's hand. It makes my heart just melt! I than take Brooklynn and lay her in her crib and she falls asleep and than Izzy falls asleep. She is such a protector!

Izzy went to her first Sunday School class this weekend and she loved it. She learned about Noah's Ark. It was great watching her interact with the teacher and see her begin to learn more about God. I hope to start working on becoming a better Christian now that Izzy is at an age where she is learning from what others do. I want to teach her (and Brooklynn too) the right way to live. Whether that means we go to church every weekend, I am not so sure about that one...but they will both grow up knowing about God and how to be good and honest people!

I will post pictures soon of our recent outing to Powell Gardens. Not much interesting in our lives but hey - family life might not be crazy, but it is great fun!

Hello Blogging World...It's Been A While

It has been a long time since I posted a blog, so I thought I would just write a little update. Both girls are doing WONDERFULLY! Every day they each learn something new! Brooklynn has found her feet, is grabbing for objects, ALMOST rolling over from back to front, and Hallelujah she is holding her head up when she is on her belly!! She is such a happy baby and is always smiling and laughing. Literally the only times she is not happy is if she is hungry, tired, hot, or needs a little attention. I do think there is a possibility that she is starting to teeth because she woke up last night at 2am crying and wasn't even settled with eating (neither of which is like her). After a dose of tylenol she was out like a light.

Isabella is discovering more and more in her world. She has learned her full name, what mommy and daddy's name is, and we are working on her phone number (that one will take a while I think haha). She is enjoying reading, watching TV (shhh...don't tell anybody - I do have a TV kid so what?), playing outside, and anything that involves other kids. She is SOO active it is crazy!! Her language is ever expanding and is now holding conversations with anybody who talks to her...whether they understand what she is saying I do not know.

I am LOVING life with two kids. I have been contemplating if in the future we want to add another to our crew...and I really truly think Sam and I both want to. We both agree a big family would be so much fun. It is just a matter of being prepared this time for the possibility of me having to be off as much as last time. So we will wait a few years at least. Right now, we are both enjoying our family of four!!!

What are some things I have learning in the last month or so??

1. Patience is a virtue...really it is!! And a 2 year old doesn't necessarily understand this concept - but I can try to teach it to her.

2. Life goes by in an instant. I swear it was only a week ago that we were in the hospital giving birth to Brooklynn, and only 2 weeks ago we were celebrating Izzy's 1st birthday. I try every day to sit back and just try to remember all the little things.

3. I am not going to do everything right in raising my children. My temper will be tested, I might not get Izzy's teeth brushed twice a day, and I just might put them to bed without a bath. But I swear they will know they are loved and I will NEVER forget to give them hugs and kisses every day. It's the little things that matter most!

4. I will always want to be a stay at home mom, and everyday I go to work I will be torn between my worklife and my home life. But I will be teaching my kids what it means to help bring home "the bacon" and that even though I am not with them 100% of the time, I am always thinking of them. It is okay to have two lives - a work life and a home life. I am still working on that balance, but every day gets a little easier.

neurosurgery appointment

Brooklynn had her appointment with Dr. Hornig today to follow up on her increased head size. We had another head ultrasound done to check on her brain. Her head grew another half inch...she is now 18 and a half inches on her head (yikes!!). The doctor said the ultrasound looks normal but we will check it again in three months. He also said she might have some developmental delays such as holding her head up and walking due to the size of her head but she should still be ok. I guess we will see what happens in the next few months. Her head has to stop growing at some point right?? At least she is long and has some weight on her to even out...she weighed 15 pounds 10 ounces today...my little chunky monkey:)

Words of Wisdom

I have been doing a lot of thinking lately about what things I would want my girls to know as they grow up. I thought maybe if I write some of them down and show them later they will realize that I am just not nagging them but I knew from the start what I wanted them to know.

To Izzy and Brooklynn:
Your first day of school will be one of the hardest on me...at least one of the first hardest moments of your life. It means you are becoming more independent and I am becoming less of a fixture in your every day life. More people are teaching you things, whether it is your friends or your teachers, and I am going to have to really struggle at making sure you know what is right and what is wrong. That is my job, to instill in you what I want you to take out of life. I hope I do a good job.

When you are fifteen and you come home and say "I am so in love" with a boy in your school, whether he is your age, older, or younger, I want you to know that it might end up being love, but you don't know that for sure. Don't give up time with your friends. If he is worth it, he will understand. Don't make your whole life about him. He might end up being your husband some day, but don't devote your whole life to this possibility.
Izzy - know that your sister is going to want to be a part of your life, and the things she is doing is not because she wants to bother you, but because she wants to be like you...or to separate herself from you to show you that she is her own person. Brooklynn - it is not that your sister doesn't love you, she is just trying to be her own person and develop into a young lady, and it is hard to do with someone watching her all the time. It will be hard to watch her grow up and to see how distant she is becoming, but I promise in a few years you guys will be best friends again!!

I am not an evil woman by telling you that you can't go out past midnight at sixteen years old. Yes, a majority of what you can do after midnight you can do before midnight (both good and bad). The reason for these rules is I want you to have respect for your body and for your family - you need to have rules to live by. When you are on your own you can do what you want. But while you are in my house it will be for the sake of my sanity for you to get home a descent hour - I will be up waiting for you until I hear that door close. It is just a mother's way for us to worry about all the "ifs" that could happen, and I will worry until I know you are home safe.

On your day of high school graduation - I will be balling, and your dad will be holding back tears. It is not that we think we can hold on to you forever, but it is that we wish we could. You are becoming a woman now and everything in life is going to be so different. You will have to make choices, and I just pray that we gave you the tools you needed to make the right ones. And when you make the wrong ones (because you will), we will be right here ready to help wipe your tears and hold you up when you feel like you are falling. No matter what you decide to do with life from here on out, make sure it is something that will make you happy.

On your wedding day - know that it will be one of the hardest days of your dad's life. You are his little girl(s). He has been the number one man in your life, and now he has to give you to someone else. If we taught you well, he will be a great guy who will treat you well and we will be happy with the decision you made! We will be happy to be there and support you, and know our tears are both of joy and of sadness - this means we are never going to be the same to you. Yes, we know we mean a lot to you but you are starting your own family. You will be beautiful on this day!!

The day you have your child(or children): I hope that I get to be there and be a big part of your child's life. It will be the most amazing experience of your life, and possibly one of the hardest as well. It will be amazing to watch you grow into such an amazing woman and mother. I will want to give you guidance in how to raise children, and it is not because I think you need it, it is because it will help ME to be a part of their lives. If you take my advice, great...if not I will try to understand. I think you will be amazing at this job, and hopefully you learned from me the right way to raise a child.

I love you both, and my world is turned upside down every day due to the changes you make. I am more in love with you every day of my life, and I am excited to walk through life with you - be there for the good things, help guide you through the tough times, and hold you up when you feel like you just can't take any more. We will butt heads MANY times, and there will be things you do that I won't agree with, but no matter what I will always love you!!

Need a photographer??

My friend has been doing photography for a while now and I just wanted to do a little advertising for her. If anybody needs someone for beautiful newborn photos, senior photos, or kids photos please visit her website - I HIGHLY recommend her! She has done pictures of both my girls so if you are interested in seeing some of her work from me just let me know!! Go to her blog site to see some of her work!

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If you need more information feel free to e-mail me or her (you can find her information on her blog!!

Much Excitement and Growth

Our little girls are growing so fast! Every day I look at them I see how much they have changed and how many achievements they have made.

Brooklynn has found her hands and discovered that they do many wonderful things. She tries to stick her whole hand in her mouth, grabs at objects dangling near her or sitting near her, and will catch them moving in front of her face and just stare at them forever! She is constantly cooing now - sometimes it sounds like she is talking. She kicks her legs around and when she is in her bouncer she kicks the dangling toys. Her laugh is becoming more frequent and louder, and she is ALWAYS smiling. This last week she has had a cold and double ear infection and she still was always smiling. And of course I fall in love with her more every day.

She is having some trouble with tummy time. She looks like a fish out of water flopping her legs up and down, but can only lift her head about 45 degrees...if that. I think we are going to have some problems with her developmentally on the head milestones since it is on the large side. Hopefully she won't be restricted too much.

Speaking of her head - we go in July 14th to Dr. Hornig (a neurosurgeon at Children's Mercy) to have another head ultrasound (it is routine to do one right before the appointment). He will hopefully have some answers as to why her head is growing so fast. Or at least tell us there is absolutely nothing to be concerned about.

Isabella is getting SOO big...she is like a little girl now. She is starting to repeat everything that is being said to her (sometimes to a fault - mommy can have a dirty mouth sometimes especially when driving and she copies that every once in a while - OOPS!!). She says many 3-5 word sentences, asks for what she wants, and makes a lot of decisions. She has started being the one to pick out her outfit - she will go into her closet and pick out what she wants to wear. I think this is going to be LOADS of fun to have a girl! I didn't think I would get into the girly things but I am waiting for the time when I can go get mani and pedis done with her, already planning "big girl princess parties"in my head. I am also enjoying the fact that even though she is so girlie - she still has a little tomboy in her. She doesn't mind getting dirty and loves playing sports and with boys! I love everything about that little girl.

That is my update for now. Every day I have to spend with my little girls is a blessing! I am enjoying every last second!

Thankful on Thursday

After reading Katie's blog today - I saw her question "What are you Thankful for"? and Here is my answer!

1. I am thankful that I have two beautiful baby girls who I absolutely adore. Every smile, every tear, every giggle!

2. I have a job that is pretty flexible and even though I have to work I am able to be home every night with my family! - and I am thankful for the paycheck.

3. Babysitters - grandparents who love to watch our girls so Sam and I can have some private time. Hoping to take advantage of it this weekend so Sam and I can go try out some photography!

4. My husband who really works hard to help bring home the bacon! I appreciate all you do for me and the girls!

5. My momma - you totally rock with all you do for us. You do more than I could ever repay and ever ask for!

6. Being reminded daily by God why I need to appreciate what I have - times might get hard but I have mostly healthy kids and a wonderful family to enjoy life with! I am so lucky!

"4 month" appointment

Just some random pictures of the girls from the last couple of weeks:







Now on to business. Brooklynn had her 4 month appointment, even though it was more like 3 1/2 months. She is doing pretty well. Her weight is now 14 pounds 2 ounces which is insane (puts her in the 75th percentile). Her height is 25 1/8", which places her in the 90-95th%, and her head grew even more - she is now 18" which places her well above the 95% - she is completely off the charts on that. The doctor is still concerned with her head growth even though her head ultrasound came back okay. He said that it was 7 lines above the 95th growth curve, and now it is 14 lines above that curve. He is having us go see a neurosurgeon just to make sure there is not something else we might be missing. I am a little nervous about this - I am sure everything is fine but the fact that he is worried about it makes me a little worried.

He said she is doing well on everything else. She is developmentally with a 5 month old...which makes me think everything has to be fine cause if there was something wrong with her brain I think it would effect her development. I would rather be safe than sorry though I guess. I don't have an appointment scheduled yet but hopefully will here later today. I am hoping they can get us in before July 1st when our insurance resets. Right now we have reached our out of pocket maximum so anything we do until July 1st will be free for us!!

3 months - WOW!!

Brooklynn turned 3 months old on Sunday...I can't believe it has already been 3 months!! She is developing such a personality already! She is ALWAYS happy and smiling. A couple of weeks ago she even started laughing for us! It is so darn cute!! I forget how exciting these little developmental milestones are! The only time she cries is when she is hot, hungry, or wants some attention because I have been too busy doing something else! It is amazing!

She has been sleeping pretty much through the night. She falls asleep around 9-10pm and wakes up between 5-6am. I have her on the same schedule of nap as her sister most days which is really nice for momma when I feel like napping as well!

Isabella is growing every day too! She says more and more sentences and has such a little personality that grows constantly! She has me cracking up every single day! I have a feeling I am going to be in BIG trouble when she turns 16 though because she already has a little attitude on her! Most of the time it is more cute than frustrating but there are times where I just tell her to go to her room and shut the door! She is a really good listener (90% of the time) which makes it a little easier. She is AMAZING with her little sister as well - she is constantly tickling her, telling her she is cute, kissing her. If I am in the other room and she starts crying, Izzy certainly let's me know - "Sister crying, sister mad!!" I LOVE LOVE being a mother of two!

My new job position is really neat. It is definitely different being at work 4 days a week, but it is super nice being home at night with the family and off on every weekend! I do miss my weekly trips out with my mom and the girls though...we don't have as much time to do that because my days off usually seem to be filled with appointments either on my part or my mom's part. Maybe once I get settled in to this position and get used to it a little more things will be better.

That is it for my boring update. Next week we go to see the doctor for Brooklynn's check up so we shall see how big she is getting! She is a little chunker - I will have to post pictures soon of her chubby rolls - I love every inch!

Head Ultrasound

As many of you already know, we took Brooklynn in for her head ultrasound on Friday. It was crazy watching them running a test on my little girl that they do on so many babies where I work. Now I completely understand the anxiety this test can cause and how anxiously people await for the results. Since it was a Friday I did not receive the results until Monday.

After much anticipation from the morning, I finally received a call at 11:30...her head ultrasound came back normal!! Such a relief! Now I can just enjoy my little girl and not have to worry that there is something neurologically wrong. Not to say I still won't worry because I am a mother so worry is in my head about 99% of the time...but at least it releaves about 20% of my stress :).

I started my new job a few weeks ago as a discharge coordinator, which is now 4 ten hour days a week...no weekends no holidays. It is salary so I will have days where I can leave a little early and make it up on other days (so pretty much it is super flexible). I am LOVING the hours! I get to come home, enjoy dinner with my husband and children, and still have time to play with the girls before bedtime, and am not too tired to stay up for an hour or two to spend alone time with the hubby! Life is grand!

I just wanted to express how grateful I am for such a wonderful life! I am so blessed each and every day I get to spend with my family and my AMAZING children!! Life could not get any sweeter!

B's Doctor's Appointment

So today was the day we went back to the doctor to check on Brooklynn's head growth. She is almost exactly two and a half months old today too! Woohoo she is getting so big.

Well first off, we weighed her and guess what!! Even though she is sleeping through the night she is still getting adequate nutrition because she is up to 13 pounds!! That is 1.4 ounces of growth a day (I think that is what the doctor calculated it out to be)! Guess my boob juice is doing it's job!

I also asked about Isabella's 2 year labs that I just had drawn last week (yep I am a slacker haha). Most of her labs came back excellent. Her 17 OH Progesterilone (or however you spell it - I am too lazy to look it up) which we had redrawn due to her whole lab issues when she was a new born, they came back a little low - but the reference level was 20-something and her level was 16 which is something we will just kind of keep an eye on I guess. For those who don't remember - when Izzy was little her newborn screen came back with abnormal levels of this hormone which could have meant congenital adrenal hyperplasia. Well long story short - the levels skyrocketed, came back down and almost leveled out and the endocrinologist said she was good to go after 6 months old with no worries. Well, me being a worry wart I had my doctor write for a script to have them drawn. Good thing I did cause now we can watch those levels (hopefully redraw them later on down the road).

Now to the reason why we even went to the doctor in the first place. Brooklynn's head...last month she was 16 3/4" (ya I know she has a big head). Well, today it was 17 1/2" - which makes her growth curve even higher. So now we are going in to have a head ultrasound done to check and make sure she does not have hydrocephalus. My doctor is a little worried that she might since her rate of growth is so fast. We shall see. I am just hoping it is familial and not medical. I am just grateful this easy little test will let us know if things are wrong or if she will just have to wear hats to help hide her noggin for a while :).

I just want to end this post by saying - I love my girls and my life is so great with them!! God has blessed us with many blessings and even though there are bumps along the way...I am realizing just how strong of a mother I am becoming!!

Motherhood

Mother's day is coming up and I just had to write a tribute to my amazing mother!! She has taught me so much about motherhood and hopefully I can follow in her footsteps and my kids will think about me the way I think about her when they become mothers.

1. Always put others first. Yes we have to take time for ourselves, but we need to have others on our hearts and minds. She never fails at being there for anybody in our family and she has always put us first above her needs! While I feel like she deserves better than that and to take more time out for herself - I have received many benefits myself from it so I can't really complain.

2. Love unconditionally, even when it hurts! My kids are my life, and I could not imagine ever loving them any more. Thinking about how I treated my mother when I was a teenager though I know I caused a lot of pain here and there - and she still loved me...even when I know it hurt her to do it! I know I am going to get it back to me when my girls are teenagers, and I am going to have to learn to grin and bear it when they are not necessarily the nicest to me...just like my mom always did.

3. Take lots of pictures!! I am slacking in this department lately, but I definitely learned from the best on this! You think you will remember but than you don't. I am already looking back on times with Isabella and see how little she used to be and how much I enjoyed watching her grow. We might have complained while those pictures were taken by my mom but we love to look at them! Thanks mom!

There are many more things I learned from my mother, but the most important one is how to love my kids - and for that I want to say thank you!! My life is so much better with my kids and if I can give them half of the love my mom gave us I will have done a great job.

And I really know the meaning of the phrase "you will understand when you are a mother someday"... Yes mom - I understand completely and fully now!! Thanks for all you have done for my kids and for Sam and I! You truly are amazing!! Love you!!

Brooklynn's "2 month" appointment

Today I went in for Brooklynn's 2 month appointment (even though she is only 6 weeks old). I did it ALL by myself (got her, Isabella, and myself ready) without assistance from my mom. Her weight is now 10 pounds 6 ounces, which makes her go from 75% to 55%. Her length is 22.5 inches, which is still 75% ile. Her head went up a whole inch to 16 3/4 inches, which places her even higher on the growth curve at well above 95%ile.

A few things that were brought up today that we are going to have to watch/change in our routine. First off, I can't allow her to sleep the 6-7 hours a night she has been sleeping because of her loss in weight percentile. I can't let her go more than 4-5 hours at night so I am going to have to be a little more sleep deprived than I have been - oh well!! Her congestion that she is still having could be a strain of viruses, or could be caused by reflux. So am going to be starting her on her reflux medicine Prevacid tonight to see if that helps with the congestion and her irritability when she falls asleep. She has some white on her tongue - which I have to watch and see if it spreads to her cheeks because she might be getting thrush (GREAT :(!!!).

She received her 2 month immunizations today - poor thing cried like crazy. Isabella was so sweet and telling her "Brooklynn it's okay!". And after it was all over Izzy wanted to see her sister to make sure she was really okay!

Due to her head growing an inch and her percentile going up, we have to go back in 1month to get another head circumference done. If it continues to go up on the curve we might have to start being concerned about hydrocephalus. He said more than likely it is just big heads running in the family, but every once in a while he gets that case so we want to be careful.

She still has a murmur - very soft, he could only hear it with the cardiac stethoscope but he will continue to monitor it. He said I only really need to be concerned if she starts sweating during feedings or turning blue - which she has not done so hopefully it is completely benign!!

Well, other than those worries everything looks pretty good. I felt bad because I was hounding him question after question. I feel like I am asking so many more questions with Brooklynn than I ever did with Isabella - but I feel much more comfortable with this pediatrician than I did with Isabella's when she was younger! Well, that is it. Hopefully everything continues to go well and my girls continue to stay on the healthy track!

My first Blog Award - Thanks Christina!

I got a blog award!
http://bridgetownbabymomma.blogspot.com/ stopped by and liked what she saw!
Thank you Bridgetown Baby Momma!

The Rules of this award are...

1. Put the logo on your blog within your post.

2. Pass the award on to up to 12 bloggers.

3. Link the nominees within your post.

4. Let them know they have received this award by commenting on their blog.

5. Share the love and link to the person from whom you received this award.

The blogs I would like to give the award to are:

http://webethesmith3.blogspot.com/
http://ithoughtilovedyouthen.blogspot.com
http://mamafabulous.blogspot.com

The never ending wheel of questions...

So when you date someone for a while the question on everyone's mind is "When will you get married?"

Then the day comes and you decide to get married (for us 4 years after getting together)....the next question is "When are you going to start your family??"

With us it was 3 years after being married we started trying, and when we got pregnant and had our first little girl, the next question was "When is your next one so you can try for that boy??"

We waited 2 years this time and had another beautiful little girl! Now the question we get asked is "are you done having children??"

Well, this is the question of the century for Sam and I. Would I like to be done having kids?? No way!! I love everything about being a momma, and even with all the complications I love being pregnant. To think that I will not be pregnant ever again depresses me beyond belief. But...

I am not a woman whose pregnancies are easy or go as planned. I have complications in my pregnancies that effect my life emotionally, physically, mentally, and unfortunately financially. Have both my pregnancies ended well?? Yes they most certainly have. But am I tempting fate to say we should try again??

Sam and I both are in an agreement with this topic. We are not completely ruling out being pregnant again. We are, however, going to wait at least 2 years before we approach the topic in a serious manner. That is if God has that plan for us and doesn't give us a "Whoops" baby! Both of our little girls have been planned so I wouldn't be surprised if He plays a joke on us and gives us one that is unplanned. Would we survive?? Yes...Would our bank account?? Not so sure :).

Next time we decide to get pregnant, however, maybe I won't have to be off work for 15 weeks again?? Yes? No? Maybe?? Only time will tell.

That is my thoughts for the day :).

My thoughts for the day

So there are a few things I wanted to say now that I have a few minutes.

Having a 2 year old and a 1 month old are crazy hectic and has made me learn some things in life...

1. It is okay to leave the housework for later - the carpets will get vacuumed, the dishes will get cleaned, and the laundry will be washed eventually. However, if you obsess about these things you might miss a few things like...
The way Izzy gives her little sister kisses every time she sees her or
The way Brooklynn smiles in her sleep or
How Izzy has learned problem solving and watching her mind turn in circles trying to figure something out she did not know the previous day

2. It will take twice as long (sometimes three times as long) to get everybody ready and out the door at a descent time. I used to schedule doctors appointments for 10am...now I do it in the afternoon to make it on time!

3. Life is short, kids grow fast, and before you know it your 1 month old turns into a 2 year old who is ever so independent and constantly learning and always wanting to try something new.
But to take a second and enjoy it when your independent 2 year old comes up to you and gives you a big hug and say "MOMMY!!!!"

4. Don't read books and worry that your parenting skills aren't up to par all the time!
Yes I allow my 2 year old to sleep with us sometimes when she wakes up in the night - she won't be 2 long and who cares if it teaches her to come in bed with us!! Soon she will turn 16 and she won't want anything to do with her momma!
No I don't consistently keep my 1 month old on a schedule - WHO CARES!! She will get on one eventually and it will be one that works for our family.

5. My life would be a WHOLE LOT harder if it wasn't for my wonderful mother and supporting family!! My mom has helped me through the hardest times of my life - and my parents are ALWAYS there to watch my children grow! I never had a grandparent as a consistent fixture in my life - and I love that we are giving that to our girls!

6. Life will throw you lemons, so as the old saying goes - make lemonade! And enjoy the best things in life - such as your beautiful children!!

Well those are my thoughts for the day - hope you enjoyed it!

Pictures of Brooklynn's Hospital Stay

So as you all know from previous blogs, Brooklynn was in the hospital for 5 days with RSV. Looking back on it now it was a short amount of time, but it had felt like a lifetime going through it. I have so much more respect for the moms and dads who have children in the NICU where I work - it is the hardest thing to see your child sick and you not being able to help and make it better! Sitting back on my hands and letting someone else do the work was very hard for a nurse to do!! I am very grateful for my wonderful family support and the nurses who cared for my baby girl every day while she was there. Here is her story through pictures.
They had started an IV at the Urgent Care Center since she was having such trouble eating. Luckily they never needed to use it after the transport because she started picking up on eating pretty quickly.

The first time I saw my baby with oxygen on her face, my heart dropped! But I had to keep reminding myself it could have been worse and she could have required more support than that. Since Big Sister Izzy was also sick, she could not come to the hospital to visit. So instead, I tried to keep her active as I could by allowing her to participate by writing a letter to her baby sister and purchasing a gift from the gift shop.

This is a picture of her room - it was meant to be a double room but since she was RSV positive and there weren't very many patients she was able to have a room to herself so I got a "luxury suite".

This is a picture of her suctioning equipment and oxygen that they used while she was there.

I always told parents to not "watch the monitors", but it is very hard to do when it is your child. I kept watching her oxygen levels and would start getting nervous when her levels would drop below 88% (they want them greater than 92%). Her average the first few days was between 88-93%. For those who don't know - the green number is her heart rate (normal for a baby is 110-180 depending on awake or asleep), yellow number is how fast she is breathing (can get up to 60 without really worrying), and blue number is her oxygen level.

Sam was a big support through all this. He was not able to take off work, but hewould come straight from work and stay until nine or ten every night. I think he got less sleep than I did.

We were able to have Izzy come see us in the hospital, just could not have her in the room. So I would have lunch with her every day either in the hospital cafeteria or outside. The Child Life Specialist gave me a doll to Izzy that she could play with that had a hospital gown and other hospital supplies so she could get an idea of what was going on with sister.
The doll came with markers so she could draw on it which she loved to do.After 4 days we were finally able to take off the oxygen, and I was so excited!!

Here is Nana P holding Brooklynn, my mom got to hold her the day before and I am a slacker and did not get a picture of it (it was my mom's birthday too).

No oxygen and ready to go home!!

She knew today was the big day and could not help but smile in her sleep :).

YAY!!

We are home, we are home, we are home!! After 5 long days in the hospital, Brooklynn was finally well enough for us to bring her home!! That is all :).

Still Here....

Nothing has really changed over the last 2 days. Brooklynn is still requiring a little bit of oxygen, and every time they try to take her off she drops her saturations to the upper 80's. Her secretions are starting to clear up a little bit, but she still has quite a bit of thick stuff!! They are still having to deep suction her every once in a while before feedings!! She is picking up on a feeds better than when we first got here which is a positive! It is hard sitting back and having the nurses do all the work - I am so tempted to get the catheter and deep suction her myself so that I can feed her the minute she is ready!! Everyone is telling me that it seems like now it is more a lung oxygenation issue than her secretions causing her desaturations! I just want my baby girl to get better soon - but looks like we are headed for a week stay!! They want her off a full 24 hours of oxygen before they will let her go home - so I bet we are here at least until Friday unless by some miracle she just takes off this afternoon.

Izzy is getting better which is good. I am able to see her about 2 hours a day which splits the day up nicely. She is getting so big and I am able to carry on conversations with her which is AMAZING!! I love my little family! It makes life a little better!!

Still here Waiting Patiently

Brooklynn is still in the hospital. They have tried to take her off her oxygen yesterday and today, and both times she drops her saturations down into the 80's (will bring herself up to the very low 90's occasionally). She is only requiring 1/4 Liter which is not much but it is just enough for her to keep her saturations between 93-96%. She has gone one feeding without having to be deep suctioned which is nice. It is so weird being here in the South hospital - it is so much smaller and not nearly as busy as the downtown hospital which is nice in a way but also a little on the lonely side!! I am hoping they will be able to try her off the oxygen again tonight and if she tolerated that maybe go home tomorrow. The doctor said with RSV a lot of times they will go back and forth on the oxygen for a few days. Her cough has seemed to die down a little (which I don't know if that is a good thing since she still has really thick secretions). Hopefully every day she gets a little better.

Good news is she has not run a fever at all so I am encouraged by that. I was a little nervous that she might have a secondary infection somewhere (like in her blood, urine, or even spinal fluid) after talking with the doctors at urgent care - they always worry about that when a child less than 6 weeks gets this sick. She has been off antibiotics for 36 hours so I would think if she had something else she would start spiking a fever now.

It has been really hard being here and not seeing Izzy!! She has been with grandparents so she is having a great time so I know it is harder on me than it is on her. I did get to see her yesterday for a few hours - she can't come into the room since she has been sick but grandparents brought her to the hospital so I got to go downstairs. Sam's parents were told they could bring her up to the room and she was so excited when she saw me and was REALLY wanting to come in to see sister but she couldn't come into the room! It tore my heart out to see her so sad that she couldn't be around sister!!

Izzy still has her cough - my mom says it is not terrible but it is still there. I hate not being with her when she is sick - but I know Brooklynn needs me a little more right now. She is eating much better than when we first got here which I am encouraged by. Last night they weighed her and she had lost weight from when she first got here which makes me a little nervous. She was 8.5 pounds when she arrived, and now she is 8.2 pounds! Well, that is all the updates I have for right now! Hopefully we will be able to get out of the hospital to enjoy the wonderful weather that is coming our way this week! Today I am going to lunch with Isabella and my mom and than hopefully do something with big daddy for a few hours tonight to get out of the hospital for a little bit and spend some time with the other people in my family!!

Sitting here in the Hospital

So today has not been the best day! Starting on Wednesday, both Brooklynn and Isabella starting getting coughs and congestion. I took Brooklynn in on Wednesday night since she is so little to the doctors - said that she had double ear infection, lungs sounded great, and she does have reflux. Thursday I took Isabella into the doctor - she had a bad cough, fever of 100F, runny nose - they told me she had bronchitis and started her on antibiotics. He listened to Brooklynn since she was there and her cough was getting worse and more congestion - he agreed and told me she MIGHT have RSV but her saturations were great - 98-100%, so he sent us home with antibiotics. Isabella threw up due to coughing, and she did the same thing Friday.

This morning, the more I looked at Brooklynn, the more uncomfortable I felt. By 11am, I decided she did not look that great - she was not eating that great (would wear out after 10 minutes of feeding, would need 10 minutes rest, than would eat for maybe 10 more minutes), she was VERY congested (I could not get anything out with a bulb syringe), and her cough sounded worse. She was also starting to retract - you could now see her ribs the way she was breathing. I decided to take her to urgent care. My mom went with me so Sam could stay with our still sick child Isabella for the time being (she thankfully is feeling much better - just has a cough but no fever).

Went to Children's Mercy Northland Urgent Care - they took her back to triage and hooked her up to a sat probe to test her oxygen and she was 85-93% - not where we like to see her. So I was placed back in a room where they continued to monitor her. She ended up being placed on a nasal cannula, which she would than keep her saturations to 98-100%. They did a rapid RSV which came back positive. They also weighed her - she is 3 weeks old today and is just at her birth weight - I dont' know if she gained more and dropped down due to not eating so well or what. That, along with her respiratory issues, called for admission to the hospital. So now I sit in the family waiting room taking a quick break from my poor baby girl who is inpatient at Children's Mercy South (I wish it was downtown so I could at least feel comfortable in the area). She has been on and off oxygen since being admitted - but she drops her saturations to 80's when she feeds so they are lleaving her on for now. She had to be transported by ambulance which was a weird experience. They are having to deep suction her which she absolutely HATES!! They said she has to be here until she is off oxygen and not being deep suctioned for at least 12-24 hours - so hopefully we will be able to go home by Monday.

I am so torn being here and wanting to be home with my other sick kiddo. And it is not a short drive home - it takes 45 minutes to drive one way!! I am hanging out at the hospital so that I can breastfeed Brooklynn around the clock since she does not take a bottle and I don't want her to if I can avoid it. Izzy is hanging out with grandparents this weekend - hopefully she just thinks it is another sleep over and not any big deal! I miss my oldest little girl, but I am worried about my youngest little girl!! Just giving people a little update! I will continue to update if things change!

Worried Mom Syndrome!

You would think working in a NICU for 2+ years would make things easier on me with a newborn...and having a one child who made it to 2 years old without many bumps or bruises along the way would give me the confidence I need to know whether I should worry or not. Well, call me dumb but there are a lot of things that I am worrying about with this new baby of mine. Don't laugh at me please- just being honest.

First off- her breathing!! I know a newborn has crazy breathing patterns - they will be super slow to super fast especially when sleeping. But I feel like Brooklynn's is pretty bad. She breathes pretty heavy A LOT! And she squeeks A LOT! There are times when I notice nasal flaring, head bobbing, and retractions and I think should I call 911?? She doesn't turn blue so in my head I know she is fine and it is mostly when she is sleeping heavy but it makes my heart race!!

Secondly - she is silently refluxing. I know this is nothing serious - but I also know of babies in the NICU who reflux and have no treatment and are on monitors and something bad happens!! Should I just brush it off and say she will get over it and be fine or should I be more concerned than I am?? She will be fine for about 5 minutes after feeding, but than she will start gagging and swallowing - and sometimes it takes her a minute to start really breathing normally again. Once again- no blue lips or anything and she recovers on her own - but what happens if she doesn't? Some times are worse than others. There is no spitting up involved which is so strange to me! Doctor said I could put her on prilosec if I want to but I also don't want her on medications when she doesn't need to be! I feel like she lives in her bouncer because that is the one place I notice she doesn't do it as much. She also gags on her pacifier when I place it in which freaks me out! I don't remember this stuff with Izzy.

So that is my freak out moment of the week! I know everything will be okay and my freak outs are just a part of being a new mom again - but boy does having a newborn raise my heart rate and worrying to a whole other level!!

Pictures - FINALLY!!

Before I start posting pictures from Brooklynn's arrival - here is a picture of my oldest baby on her 2nd birthday - we took her to Crown Center to see the Fairy Tale exhibit - she loved it!

As mentioned in the previous post I had to have a c-section - here is Sam in his garb.

I don't look so lovely but after 20 hours of labor and 2 1/2 hours of pushing - here I am after the c-section and hearing my baby cry for the first time!

Here is Brooklynn Maxine weighing in at 8 pounds 6 ounces 22 inches long, born at 1:28 pm.

Our first meeting wasn't until 6:30pm that night! Here is my beautiful little girl!

Because of the hospital restrictions, children under 14 weren't allowed to visit the inpatients at the hospital, so after 2 days I finally was able to go downstairs and eat some lunch with Izzy! It was the highlight of my day! That and being able to breastfeed Brooklynn for the first time!!

After one of my first attempts at breastfeeding - the dots near her eyes were to hold the phototherapy glasses.

After 3 days in the NICU she was finally able to come out and be with me in the room - this is the first time she was able to be dressed!

She has her daddy's feet :) They are so long and her toes are long and thin.

Her first night out of the NICU and in my room!

Family were finally able to hold her for the first time that night!

My mom:

Our first family photo minus the other most important girl in my life Izzy.

Sam's Mom:Sam's Parents : sorry for the sideways photo

My parents:My sisters - Stephanie couldn't hold her because she had the flu two days prior (she was not happy!)Me and Brooklynn cuddling - I knew we were going to be going home this day!Getting her hearing screen done.Our going home picture! We can't wait for the Isabella's meeting of her little sister!Brooklynn's first bath at our house!
Izzy likes to walk around with pacifiers in her mouth now- we are doing a lot of cleaning of them!

She LOVES holding her little sister! I love watching the two of them together!

She is discovering all of Brooklynn's parts - here she is finding out that her hands work just like Izzy's!I will continue to post more pictures as the days go on!! Hope you enjoyed the visual update!

Pediatrician Appointments

Last week I took Izzy in to her 2 year appointment! It went really well with her weighing in at 26 pounds 2 ounces (placing her in 25th percentile for weight - which is about what she has been running) and 35 inches for height (placing her in 75th percentile for height). I talked to the pediatrician about her eating habits (she RARELY eats, taking maybe a bit or two for breakfast, lunch, and dinner with a few good meals here and there) and he said that she is just a picky eater and that her growth curve is consistent so I just need to keep offering her foods and just hope that she eats when she really needs to. Based on the Denver Developmental Test she is on point with a 3 year 2 month old - I knew my daughter was a genius hahaa. I circled no on her being able to draw a straight line (and guess what she copied one today!!), on her being able to name one of her friends (she doesn't understand what the word friend means but I know she knew a friend's name), and she can't jump completely over a piece of paper. I think she is smarter than a 3 year old but that is just my opinion haha. I have to go get her 2 year labs drawn - which I asked to include another 17 OH Progesterone level which is what was super high when she was born but returned to normal. I really love this pediatrician - he does things that help to ease my mind!

Today I went in for Brooklynn's 1 week follow up. She is now 8 pounds 4 ounces so almost back to birth weight. Dr. Lively wants her to be at her birth weight by 2 weeks (which will be Saturday) but since she is doing so well on feedings he is not concerned about that. Her weight is in the 75th percentile (which is crazy for me - Izzy has always been below the 50th percentile!). Her length is measuring at 21 1/2 inches at this doctors which still places her in the above 95th percentile mark (WOW!!). Her head circumference is 15 1/4 inches which places heri n the above 95th percentile as well! All this and she was 4 weeks early!! Imagine if she went term- she would be completely off the charts!

She is breastfeeding every 2-3 hours during the day and 3-4 hours at night, and she stools and pees with every diaper so her nutrition is pretty good. He did hear a slight heart murmur when he listened to her but he said that it was so faint if she made any noise at all he would not have heard it. This kind of makes me nervous but I am sure that everything is okay - he did not seem too concerned about it and is just going to follow it on other appointments. He also thinks that she might be silently refluxing because I told him she has episodes where she sounds like she is spitting up but she doesn't and that she also gets the hiccups a lot. He said if I feel like it is becoming a problem he will put her on medicine. Right now she does not act like she is bothered by it - but again as a NICU nurse and seeing the worse case scenarios of reflux I get nervous about this as well!! Every little noise and movement she makes has me worried! I forget how nerve racking a newborn is!!

Izzy is loving being a big sister!! She is always wanting to hold baby "sister" and will come up and place her head on Brooklynn's head and rub her hair, tickle her feet, etc. I am LOVING watching her with her younger sister! Life is good :).